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Jesus take the wheel

Yes, I’m now back in Singapore. I spent my Reading Week in Thailand instead of the expected-Raymund-behaviour of just staying in my room or in the library studying. I posted the obligatory Amazing Thailand post in my Livejournal account (one of the few entries there that are not flocked, so you can just check it there).

***

Finals Week in NUS is killing me. I had my Language and the Internet Finals yesterday, and it was ermeneffingarde hard. Actually, it was manageable. But the questions were v. general. It should be easy if you’ve got nothing to talk about, but it becomes v. hard when you have so many things to talk about albeit time and space-constrained. The latter situation happened to me, that’s why I dread the possibility that I just vomited random words in my paper because I got lost somewhere in my thoughts.

I still have 3 more Final Exams to go. Cinematic Discourse and Language is scheduled on the 30th, followed by Language, Society, and Identity on May 2, and lastly, Language Planning and Policy on May 7. Jesus take the wheel! Yeah!

And if my sister and her boyfriend’s plans push through, they’ll be here in SG on May 2 so that means I have to spare time for them. Wuuuuh. I suck in life.

I’m looking forward to it though. I need money, and I need them to bring my excess luggage.

***

And the dork that I am, I am posting my dream schedule for the next semester. Enlistment is yet to start in May, but of course, I am already thinking about these things as early as now.

Wish me luck! CRS never loved me that I had to work as an RA just to get the subjects that I wanted in the past. But since I’m here in SG and I can’t work this coming enrolment season, I have no choice but to rely on luck and CRS random love. That’s 18 units by the way. Take note, I have English 200.
I wanna die now. ^-^

Library Love

If only I could get stacked at the shelves of empty memories, then mobility would be swift and easy to control. Every look is a piercing attempt to read what the hard covers conceal, something which was never reserved for dust or blood or sentiments or any creative form of just pure crap. She looks tacky with her childish pen, but with cruel grip of understanding what a controlling look is. Looking at her everyday says that everyday can be forever: no, it’s the same transient look but yes it is forever. Across she’s covered by the panoramic holes between the top shelf and the books, between the numbers and the letters, between the spheres of the familiar and the random. The look of the stack remains, her being tacky’s the same, as the same length of space is unwillingly maintained.

***

Okay, I need more help here. It’s my first time to try this style of poetry ever. I actually planned to take this poem of from Formalist Stylistics- ish poems, so it’s sort of traditional in a way. With regard to the poem itself as a substance, I want to create a link between the narrative and the poetic discourse as a whole by means of characterisation and internalisation. Hmmm… I don’t think this is a good attempt though. I think my first poem (i.e. “It’s nothing but a mark”, it’s not the title though because it was untitled anyway LOL!). Meh, all I can say is that truly, the lalalalibrary is lalalalove.

***

Last week of classes! Yay!

***

I desperately want to stay with you, but it seems that I cannot.

***
So this is life.

I surrender to the strawberry ice cream never ever end of all this love… There’s no escaping your love.

I’ve done two of them, and I’m doing the last one tomorrow after my LSI class.

Instead of being cranky and panicky just like what I’ve been in my previous posts, I decided to just relax, chill, breathe, enjoy, and savour the stress. This is actually a nice thing, I feel more calm and no longer agit.

I just can’t wait for Sunday. I’m too excited to get drunk with 3 of my closest friends here. Alcohol, I so love you. I’m really so tigang of alcohol. I can’t believe that my last was still last Saturday. That’s just effing annoying.

And yes, I do crazy stuff like singing when I’m in happy and even quixotic. Hence the title which sort of has some double entendre.

Cheap thrill: It’s official. I’m going to AUDC! It’s gonna be my first international tourney ever!

Rantage

I started to write this post at 5:31 AM. Yes, I haven’t slept yet since I woke up at 1:00 PM yesterday. And I’m such a loser cos I just spent the whole day in front of my laptop, mugging my Language and the Internet project. Now I’m done with my Introduction, Methodology, and Literature Review and I honestly think that these parts are well-written. At least in my own standards. RIght now I am wrapping up the “Similarities” part slash “The Language of Blogs” part, where I observed the combined males and females blogs to get impressions about “Philippine blogging” in general, without taking into consideration the variable of gender first. This is not really the highlight of my paper, so this part just took around 700 Words, pretty much as the same length as the abovesaid 3 parts. So now I’m close to 1500 Words, so I still have 2500 Words for the analysis itself of the gender differences. But since I think my bibliography will be around 500 Words, that makes my total number of remaning words just 2000. FTW. How am I going to compress everything.

But right now, I am so happy because the biggest problem that I have now is how to compartmentalise my thoughts, and no longer what I am going to write. Days of thinking by just looking at WMatrix tables for hours proved to be effective for me. Although I dunno if I am doing everything correctly, I think my paper is making sense. So far, it supports my hypothesis and framework. There are no deviations yet, so I guess this is going to be an efficient corpus-based approach. I just hope so.

Right now, I am so damn sleepy. My eyes are beginning to close, and I am now in tears because of eye stress. But I have no choice. I want to finish everything today by lunch time, get some sleep til around 6:00 PM, wake up again to edit my paper til around 12:00 AM, and do my website review from 12:00 AM to 6:00 AM. Then I can start doing my Powerpoint presentation for the Website Review and the Project, sleep at around 10:00 AM, wake up at 12:00 PM so I can make it on time for Prof. Talib’s class.

Wish. I pray to all the gods, existent or nonexistent, to please give me the ubermensch powers to be able to follow that plan. It sounds impossible, but I do not have a choice. Why?
Because I just realised that our Language Planning and Policy group project is also due this Friday, 2:00 PM since it’s a hardcopy submission. 5000 Words and our group has not even started yet. And to make the situation worse, there are only 3 of us in the group, so I just go singing Jesus take the wheel. I texted my groupmates but I think they’re already asleep,  I dunno. If they don’t reply tomorrow, I might just die.

So what’s the point of this post? Rant. That’s just it. I just need to say these things, that I am stressed and that this week is such a killer week for me. It has been a semester ago since I got this busy (the thesis semester) so I’m no longer used to sleepless nights. Ermengarde, I really suck in life. These are the things that I have to release else they will haunt me and just make me go emo.

And so I die.

I just want all of this to end. I have to forget my kiasuism for a while, just do whatever I can, enjoy everything, cos in two months time, I’ll be back to the real world.

PS: I so luuuuurve the new WP Dashboard. I swear, it looks great, it looks posh, and it looks very clean. I love you, WP.

So, this is linguistics.

I’m starting to get used to the British orthography.  Yes, the change was deliberate; it’s something like a self-imposed language planning and policy. Lol. It started when I realised that I am the only one in my LSI class who’s used to American orthography, and I thought it could be a bad thing since it becomes indexical of my identity in class (e.g. in exams, reports, etc). And now I think I’m getting used to it since everytime I write (and type), it already feels natural.

The same thing also applies to my lexicon. The British lexis is cool.

And also, Ying Ying noticed that I pronounce “a”’s differently. She says that I don’t really follow the American English /ae/ pronunciation. Then I thought it might be because of my Philippine English, which has a tendency to use the /^/ (just approximated IPA symbol; the legs should be longer) for the “a” sound. But no. My “a” sounds weird. I tried to listen to myself everytime I talk, and I realised that my “a” sounds like… the British /a/ or the inverted one at times. This one is not intentional; I think I grew up pronouncing my “a”’s that way. But I still wonder… why?

Now I really think that I have to take English 197 (Special Topics: Child Language) next semester.